I got information last night that my husband’s step father had died. I feel so afraid, he had also cancer and was treated in 2011. He recovered but lately on his routine check-up his kidney couldn’t accept the contrast anymore. There have been complications that the doctors just couldn’t do anything anymore and just gave up.
I know he was so much older than I, he should have been 79 this year, but I still think that there’s no guarantee that I will live longer, I’m afraid and having hard times most of the time. I don’t want to leave my family yet but I am trying to prepare them if I do. Why do we have to die? And why me? I have a lot of things to live for.
Not so long ago, 3 of my near relatives in the Philippines just died, one of them of just cancer. I feel so depress and I am always thinking of death. Crying all the time, it seems like I lost the joy of life. Sometimes I don’t feel like doing anything, I don’t even wash myself, only if I have to. I don’t feel like meeting people because I feel that people are just laughing and talking behind my back. I don’t know, this is not right I know but I couldn’t help. I must think possitively right now but how to do that is the provlem. I just feel I need some professional help to fully recover.