I got a call from the Thorax clinic today. They will be in charge of my operation whenever I decide to do it. As I mentioned on my post here, the tumor is not malignant but there is a possibility that it will become a cancer sooner or later and I think it is better to get rid of it now, it maybe more difficult when I get older. I may have symptoms of it because I always have back ache but I just thought all the time that it was because of my car accident in 2000 where I got a whiplash injury.
I am really confuse since this is a very risky operation. If they injure a nerve in my back, I could be paralyzed and invalid for the rest of my life and I am not ready yet to be in that situation. I have to postpone the operation for a while. I am not ready to have another treatment once again. I am not fully recovered yet from my precious treatment.
I feel so depressed and sometimes I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like my head is empty most of the time. I am trying to be happy for the sake of my family but sometimes I don’t feel any joy right now. I should have been happier if only I feel healthy. I don’t lack any material things, I have a loving family around me but my health is killing me. How long would I live more? Oh my God please don’t forsake me!