I got a call from the Thorax clinic today. They will be in charge of my operation whenever I decide to do it. As I mentioned on my post here, the tumor is not malignant but there is a possibility that it will become a cancer sooner or later and I think it is better to get rid of it now, it maybe more difficult when I get older. I may have symptoms of it because I always have back ache but I just thought all the time that it was because of my car accident in 2000 where I got a whiplash injury.
I am really confuse since this is a very risky operation. If they injure a nerve in my back, I could be paralyzed and invalid for the rest of my life and I am not ready yet to be in that situation. I have to postpone the operation for a while. I am not ready to have another treatment once again. I am not fully recovered yet from my precious treatment.
I feel so depressed and sometimes I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like my head is empty most of the time. I am trying to be happy for the sake of my family but sometimes I don’t feel any joy right now. I should have been happier if only I feel healthy. I don’t lack any material things, I have a loving family around me but my health is killing me. How long would I live more? Oh my God please don’t forsake me!
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Published by queenkeandra
I am a swedish citizen with asian origin, lives in Sweden, entrepreneur, accountant, fashion designer, dressmaker, professional interpreter and translator and from year 2014, I also became a local politician with some assignments from the local government.
I moved to Sweden after marriage with a Swedish national in 1986. Two years later we got a son followed by a daughter after 21 months. Satisfied with life in fact, I guess I got all I wished for, it feels I have everything.
Being married is not just a bed of roses, the roses have thorns also and you can get it at times but we’ve always been doing pretty good. Kinder and better husband I do not think I can get, everyone has their flaws and life becomes easier if you can accept them. I’m not a perfect person either.
I became a grandmother quite young, only 45 years old, was a little skeptical at first but then I loved to be one. Now I am already a grandmother of two, a boy and a girl of 20 months between them, such a great feeling, it feels like it was a replay of my life. When I have both of them at home, it feels like I was young again and is the mother of small children. I can not explain but so damn good it is. When I moved to Sweden I knew nothing about the country, but now it feels like I’ve always lived here. I speak Swedish better than my native language, better in Swedish grammar than my husband, it may sound strange but it’s true. I dream even in Swedish. I hang out with many Swedes, have worked and still working in Swedish companies. I go to the Swedish church though I am a Roman Catholic. We believe in the same God anyway. I’ve adapted pretty well in Swedish society. I think I have to adjust to that country I moved to, not the country or its citizens to adapt to me. Sweden has no responsibility whatsoever that I wanted to move here so I could not demand anything else, but now a citizen, I think I have the right as any other native Swedes. I pay taxes and do my duties as a citizen. I think I am a good role model and a loyal citizen and can fight for my new country.
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Queen Keandra 